After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said,
"Fifty years ago
we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV,
but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with
a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and
she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car,
sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of
the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the
step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a
little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her
up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled 'How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with
you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." (Maryon Pearson)
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." (Marie Corelli)
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." (Katharine Hepburn)
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." (Margaret Thatcher)
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)